Going It Alone - Damilola Gbadamosi (01/06/2015)

The first time I ever "swam" I was a toddler in my father's arms in the ocean, with my mother firmly on shore and screaming that her first and then only child be brought back to safety immediately! Cute right? Well my first memory of water (the one no one had to tell me the story of) is not quite as charming. The first time I was ever by a pool I must have been six or seven. Nervously arriving at my first swimming lesson. Changed I looked at vast blue in front of me like a snake, and then suddenly I was drowning.

 I had been pushed in, an act I can only recall as the rudest form of introducing oneself I have experienced to date.  So I don't know how to swim, but here I m in a pool, what is left for my tiny self to do but sink? You don't know how precious air is until you don't know how to get some. However what I remember more about that day is that no one came for me, not the instructors or teachers or my friends or the lifeguard. And I'm writing this now because, given the option between sinking and swimming. With no 
previous training, I swam and got out all by myself. 


There is a point to me telling this story. The first point is that life will always challenge and overwhelm you. And sometimes it will do so when your support systems are unavailable to you. I had to learn to swim without my fathers help eventually. The second was that there is no guarantee that in your times of need there will be other people there able to help, sometimes even when our loved ones would like to they cannot help. They may be having it just as tough, like my friends were that day, a group of equally frightened six/seven year olds at their first swimming lesson too. 

Perseverance, self-belief and drive will always be the things you can rely on to get you through a tough patch. Whilst support and help is always something we should seek, we cannot rely on others to solve our problems, and sometimes it weakens us. I was too frightened to get back in the pool that day because I was convinced that the instructor was an evil woman who would let me drown. Until she pointed out that if I saved myself once then I really had 
nothing to worry about, I didn’t need saving. If someone had come for me, my fear would have been far worse and harder to overcome. 

We live in the age of networking, and "squad", and the people who can help us are a call away. I don’t begrudge anyone their support systems, I'm very guilty of calling to get it fixed before I even think of how might fix it myself. However, self-reliance is priceless; it makes you appreciate help so much more, when you do get it. But more than anything else self-reliant people are pleasant to help. People will support you that much more when you don't burden them with a constant need for it. No one likes a needy person, and when we stop being obsessed over receiving validation and support from peers, superiors or relationships, we strengthen ourselves. Maybe even enough to help someone else.

 Now if a six year old fell into a pool, I would be able to get them back out, and feel confident doing so.