How are you today? – bypassing “fine” and finding fabulous - Abena B

How often do you really answer that question? It seems the common answers vary between “I’m good” or “I’m fine”… but when was the last time you said, “I’m great” or even “I’m grateful” let alone admit that everything is not okay, peachy or rosy in any type of way? Sometimes this may be due to the idea that we don’t wish to burden others with our troubles, but what happens when we begin to deny our own true feelings and stop being honest with ourselves?

Often mental well, being is not a subject that is brought up in everyday, not only can it hinder your general performance in your day to day life, but also how you define how you approach towards certain experiences and the impact it leaves on you affects you. In short, a negative image towards your self and your capabilities can start off a never-ending cycle into self-doubt, low self-esteem,  diminished self-worth, denial, jealousy and resentment.

Appealing? I thought not ! It’s important (whether feeling young or old) to acknowledge that the situations in your life are just that. The majority are uncontrollable occurrences  that do not necessarily have to leave an imprint on your mind. They don’t have to last forever especially when those that leave unresolved issues that are often left unsettled. Often people begin to doubt their abilities because no matter how much they try, they cannot change or control some of the people or events in their lives. They don’t always feel they have the answers to deal with problems or even a clue

 how to deal with situations that have eventually spun out of their control. Well I have a news flash for you…

1.     You don’t have all the answers.

2.     Not everything is under your control.

3.     Not every problem you’re dealing with can be solved by yourself.

And, you know what? That’s completely okay. It’s normal and should remind you to not be so hard on yourself too. Be honest with yourself! It’s okay to not be able to deal with everything around you (just as much as it is okay to be happy too). The refusal to let go of unresolved issues (or unresolved feelings) can affect the way you live your life and that is not “fine” or “good”.

So once you’ve acknowledged a situation/problem does not require having all the answers, being under your control or need to be dealt with alone, where do you do from there?

Reflect on your own feelings for one! The relief that will sweep over you when you begin to let go of these issues gives almost a new zest for life, a boost in motivation or a renewed sense of self-confidence. Whether those feelings last is completely up to you, but it’s a good idea to use this new “energy” to not only seek out help from those in a better position to help you but also to invest into building up your self-esteem and happiness again. Take part in the experiences and activities that fill you with enthusiasm and joy (whether that sport or even sleeping [not to be underrated). If you don’t have any activities you can think of in particular allow yourself to be more open-minded and try some new ones! 

Sometimes we can feel unhappy from constantly being in the same position in life, well now is the time to try something new and move out of your comfort zone!

Another thing you could do is to make peace with yourself and your past. It’s not just an opinion that you only know how far you've come from knowing where you started. 

Avoid putting yourself down by measuring yourself with somebody else’s rules or expectations, that’s based on THEIR lives and THEIR experiences, don’t let that affect how you do you! It’s important to also stop allowing yourself to get into negative cycles, once you enter a position that makes you feel badly about yourself, let that situation either end there or be mended there. Most important of all, learn to forgive yourself. Yes, you make mistakes and are not always able to do all you set out to do, but sometimes that’s just how life goes.

The sun sets on an old day and greets another with renewed sunniness, you should also start wiping clean that slate of self-loathing and learn to love the person you are and have become. 

Hopefully this greets you in good health and inspires a positive change in your life. Next time you answer the question “How are you?” Let’s hope that we can truly say, “I’m great, thank you” and mean every word. 

Taking care of your Virgin hair by Tope Kupoluyi (23/01/14)

So ladies,

We all know "Virgin Hair" isn't cheap so we have to take care of our hair in order to lengthen the 'life span' of it and keep it looking FAB!

Here are 5 tips & products that I'VE found useful in keeping my hair in good condition:

1. Don't cut your wefts.

When installing never cut your wefts as this leads to an increase in the amount of shedding... When getting your hair done, tell your stylist to not cut the wefts. When you've reached the end of the braid you're sewing on, fold the weft over and continue sewing until the track is finished. 

UNCUT WEFTS = MINIMAL SHEDDING! 

2. Seal your wefts (optional)

Sealing your wefts can prevent the amount of shedding your extensions have. Depending on the quality of the hair, you shouldn't have too much shedding but I would recommend sealing your wefts if you are cutting your wefts (which I don't advise) or if you have curly hair.

3. Reduce amount of direct heat on the hair (or use heat protectant)

I always say to my clients "treat your extensions as if it was your real hair".. Constant heat styling can damage the your hair and leave it dry, brittle and prone to breakage. In order to prevent this, reduce the amount of heat you apply on your hair or use a heat protectant.

4. Always deep condition after bleaching/dying hair.

Colouring your hair can leave it without moisture and make it dry, so in order to restore moisture back into the hair, deep condition! Deep conditioning will restore your hair's moisture and body, making it look good as new. I always tend to leave my conditioners on for hours.. If I'm in a rush and feeling lazy, then I condition for at least 45 minutes to an hour before rinsing it out.

5. Wash and condition at least once every 2 weeks

There will be build up of dirt in your hair even if you aren't putting products in it... there are still things in the air that can get into the fibers of the hair so it's always a good idea to wash to get rid of this build up and restore bounce and sheen into the hair.. Remember to condition your hair after washing, water can leave the hair dry sometimes and therefore moisture and body is lost.

Remember to detangle before washing as wetting tangled hair will lead to a more tangling = a hot mess! Lol

Hair can get dried out and damaged from the use of heat styling tools, dyes, chemical straighteners, and exposure to the sun and cold air. It's always a good idea to restore the hair's moisture with a good deep conditioning treatment.

Please bear in mind that these are products that I personally like and, you can chose whatever products work for you ♥