How are you today? – bypassing “fine” and finding fabulous - Abena B

How often do you really answer that question? It seems the common answers vary between “I’m good” or “I’m fine”… but when was the last time you said, “I’m great” or even “I’m grateful” let alone admit that everything is not okay, peachy or rosy in any type of way? Sometimes this may be due to the idea that we don’t wish to burden others with our troubles, but what happens when we begin to deny our own true feelings and stop being honest with ourselves?

Often mental well, being is not a subject that is brought up in everyday, not only can it hinder your general performance in your day to day life, but also how you define how you approach towards certain experiences and the impact it leaves on you affects you. In short, a negative image towards your self and your capabilities can start off a never-ending cycle into self-doubt, low self-esteem,  diminished self-worth, denial, jealousy and resentment.

Appealing? I thought not ! It’s important (whether feeling young or old) to acknowledge that the situations in your life are just that. The majority are uncontrollable occurrences  that do not necessarily have to leave an imprint on your mind. They don’t have to last forever especially when those that leave unresolved issues that are often left unsettled. Often people begin to doubt their abilities because no matter how much they try, they cannot change or control some of the people or events in their lives. They don’t always feel they have the answers to deal with problems or even a clue

 how to deal with situations that have eventually spun out of their control. Well I have a news flash for you…

1.     You don’t have all the answers.

2.     Not everything is under your control.

3.     Not every problem you’re dealing with can be solved by yourself.

And, you know what? That’s completely okay. It’s normal and should remind you to not be so hard on yourself too. Be honest with yourself! It’s okay to not be able to deal with everything around you (just as much as it is okay to be happy too). The refusal to let go of unresolved issues (or unresolved feelings) can affect the way you live your life and that is not “fine” or “good”.

So once you’ve acknowledged a situation/problem does not require having all the answers, being under your control or need to be dealt with alone, where do you do from there?

Reflect on your own feelings for one! The relief that will sweep over you when you begin to let go of these issues gives almost a new zest for life, a boost in motivation or a renewed sense of self-confidence. Whether those feelings last is completely up to you, but it’s a good idea to use this new “energy” to not only seek out help from those in a better position to help you but also to invest into building up your self-esteem and happiness again. Take part in the experiences and activities that fill you with enthusiasm and joy (whether that sport or even sleeping [not to be underrated). If you don’t have any activities you can think of in particular allow yourself to be more open-minded and try some new ones! 

Sometimes we can feel unhappy from constantly being in the same position in life, well now is the time to try something new and move out of your comfort zone!

Another thing you could do is to make peace with yourself and your past. It’s not just an opinion that you only know how far you've come from knowing where you started. 

Avoid putting yourself down by measuring yourself with somebody else’s rules or expectations, that’s based on THEIR lives and THEIR experiences, don’t let that affect how you do you! It’s important to also stop allowing yourself to get into negative cycles, once you enter a position that makes you feel badly about yourself, let that situation either end there or be mended there. Most important of all, learn to forgive yourself. Yes, you make mistakes and are not always able to do all you set out to do, but sometimes that’s just how life goes.

The sun sets on an old day and greets another with renewed sunniness, you should also start wiping clean that slate of self-loathing and learn to love the person you are and have become. 

Hopefully this greets you in good health and inspires a positive change in your life. Next time you answer the question “How are you?” Let’s hope that we can truly say, “I’m great, thank you” and mean every word.