Soul mates - Nnenna Mozie (16/09/2014)

For as long as I can remember I have heard my parents describe one another as their respective "soul mates". Hearing this over and over again as a child, I fell in love with this notion that someone can be so completely and wholly made for you, that even your souls possess a connection. However like all beautiful fantasies our parents sell to us as children, I began to question it; whether it was because my own life experiences no longer fit the formula they assured me would work, or whether it was because I looked around and started see situations that no longer allowed for me to believe in this fantasy any longer. 

   The moment for me that I began to question the existence of soul mates was on one of my birthdays; as I sat staring at a list of various friends I wished to invite to the celebration and wondered how best to go about planning this to ensure the overall group dynamic was pleasurable. This got me thinking, as human beings we are not two dimensional there is so much to us as characters. For example looking at the friends in my life I have a large spectrum, there are my core group of friends who I call "girlfriends" they will sit in my kitchen with half full glasses of wine, gossiping, advising each other and revealing respective plans for the future. Then I have the friends I call when I want to let my hair down, I also have the friends who take me out of comfort zone "Nnenna let's go camping" they’ll say, or "let’s go back packing". Last but not least I have my friends who know me so well it's scary, they can predict my every reaction and action because we are so similar, I can tell them my deepest fears and wildest fantasies because they get me almost as much as I get myself. When I think of this and the variety of people in my life I wonder how then it is we can actually have soul mates. 

The idea of having a soul mate that caters to your every need and characteristic, someone who was created solely for you and is so alike you are almost one seems bamboozling. My theory goes as such: as humans we are like prisms, when you shine a light through a prism different colours illuminate, and each colour is needed to complete the spectrum, hence as humans we have so many different aspects to our character we are almost four dimensional. Therefore there is no way that only one person out there can be made for us. It is possible to fall so deeply in love with someone solely because they cater to a certain aspect of you character, and then a year later you fall in love with someone else because they cater so completely to another characteristic in the spectrum that makes you you. 

    Of course I understand why so many people fall in love with this idea of having a soul mate.  Stories we are told as children such as Romeo and Juliet, where love so perfect and complete one could not truly live without the other. However love is testing and difficult, it will take the best from you and try every shred of patience you have. There will be friction and anger, but within this there will be beauty because two people so different against all odds have come together based on the appreciation of a few mutual harmonies found within themselves. 

   I get it, when you look across at the person you love and as far as you are concerned they tick every box and complete you, and of course you can find that rarity, that one person who will cater to three, four or even five aspects of your character. However do not be fooled into believing that they and only them are made for you and you cannot love with such intensity again if need be. 

"I never believed much in that holding hands kind of love. I've always thought love is about two different personalities, trying to confront life, trying to make sense of their responsibilities, to themselves, to each other and to wider society." - Alan Bates 

NCGM x