The Art of Letting It Go - Damilola Gbadamosi (19/06/2015)

At some point in life we will all find ourselves hung up over someone or

something, and someone will say that oh to familiar phrase “let it go”. Whilst we

often would like to, the art of “letting it go” however is far easier said than done.

Still over the years I have found that adopting some habits and techniques, when

I need to get something off my chest or out of head, have been invaluable.

 Don't Be A Hoarder:

Be it electronic hoarding of pictures, and texts with someone you

need to cut off, or physical mementos and items from an unhealthy

habit, Or maybe even old friends whose life goals now contradict

yours. It’s in your best interest to identify when things and people

are no longer playing a positive role in your life and remove them.

Hoarding will only lead to lots of reminders and temptation to stay

hung up on your problem or trapped in your current habit.

 Find A Productive Distraction Or Outlet:

Sometimes plain old distraction is the best thing to help you let go.

You might find that keeping yourself occupied with work or a

hobby is sufficient. Alternatively, finding a constructive outlet like

exercise for frustration will keep you channelling your energies in

a safe way and give you an alternative set of goals to concentrate

on.  If you keep something out of your mind love enough

sometimes it just stays out.

Accept things you cannot control (and give the ones you can your best effort): 

Knowing the difference between situations you can affect and

change and the ones you cannot makes it easier to let things go.

Sometimes the things we obsess about the most were things we

had no power over in the first place. When you realise that

something’s are just not up to you, it helps you accept outcomes

quicker. You’ll also find that this acceptance will make you able to

do the things in your control better, cause you focus your effort on

the right things.

Manage Your Expectations 

Humans, systems, and life are all imperfect and eventually one of

them will disappoint you. It doesn’t mean you cannot have

standards or expectations, but accepting that they will not always

be met will leave you disappointed less often. Additionally, avoid

putting anything on a pedestal, it just gives them further to fall and

makes you less realistic. Remembering your expectation and

standard cannot be forced on others is also important. You’ll find

yourself less frustrated this way.

 Don’t Fake It:

What ever you do, do not pretend to let go of things rather than

actually doing so.  The effort pretending to let go is wasted and

would be better spent actually letting go. Pretending means

bottling up emotions, which will eventually come out as passive

aggressive behaviour, leaving you acting childish and irrational.

When it comes to letting things go, you cannot “fake it till you

make it”.

Letting go is the best was to ditch emotional baggage, and stop life weighing

down on you. So be it your friends annoying habits, your boss’s tendency to say

dismissive things or an old relationship, pick your battles and let the rest go.

“The day I understood everything was the day I stopped trying to figure

everything out. The day I knew peace was the day I let everything go.”

― C. JoyBell C.

Fix up, look sharp - Paul Olasehinde (11/06/2015)

So a couple days ago we passed the halfway mark in 2015. We are now officially closer to 2016 than the beginning of 2015. Scary right? I always dedicate the first couple days of June for self-reflection, as it’s always a good time to take stock of what you have and haven’t achieved so far. Personally I think this should be a practice everyone does. So now I ask you dear reader, how has it been going? Have you reached some goals? Have you reached none? Are you finding yourself running out of fuel? Take some time out and think about those questions if you haven’t done so already. You might find that you’re doing better than you thought or maybe not as good as you should be.   

Like a lot of people I make goals at the beginning of the year and hope to have them all ticked off by the time the 31st of December 23:59 hits. Now, I’m aware not everybody makes them (I highly recommend you do) but I’m sure even in the back of your mind you have things you would like to do this year. They can be as big as wanting to start your own business or just making sure you smile more to your friends and strangers. The size of the goal isn’t paramount rather

Now if you’re on course or even better ticked off the majority of your goals that’s fine you’re on fire. But like a lot of teams after they’re 3-0 up at half time, they get complacent. Your biggest task is to come out with the same energy and motivation you displayed in the first half of the year, which isn’t as easy as it, sounds. To those who maybe the first part of the year didn’t go right there is still a massive 6 months to go and they could be the best 6 months of your life. You may feel like you’re 3-0 down at half time and I know the feeling your heads are low and if you’re not careful it can get worse. But you need to get back out there and show yourself what you’re capable of and turn the year around in your favour.  

Below are 4 quick points, which can help, sustain and better your year:

1. The past is the past

The past only provides lessons, so take note and face forward and keep it moving. You can’t go back so leave the past where it is. Remember, It’s not about how you fall but about how you recover.

2. Make realistic goals

Firstly, the most important word in the above title is realistic. Your goals must be realistic otherwise it makes giving up all too easy. Goals give you structure. Goals keep you looking ahead. Goals keep you accountable and lastly goals are motivational! So make goals long and short term, you’ll find yourself so much more productive.

3. Believe you can achieve

There is no point in starting if you don’t believe you can finish (still start though). If you don’t believe you can do it no matter how lovely the words are from someone else you will more times than often, fall short.

4. Don’t be afraid to fail

So it hits the 1st of January 2016 and you didn’t meet your entire goals, you didn’t even meet half! It is ok! Use that to kick-start the next year to make sure its better than the last. Don’t wallow and focus on tomorrow! Failure is hard to take but there can be grace in defeat.

Of course there are so many other points you can add so it’s tailor fit to your needs. But I believe with those tips up your sleeve you’re more than equipped to tackle the rest of 2015.

So brush yourself down, fix up look sharp and keep the momentum going. There is still a while to go. God didn’t build the world in 1 day he made a plan; so don’t get discouraged when your year doesn’t come together overnight. With time and planning you can look back on 2015 and wonder ‘how do I beat that?’ =]

Confessions of a University Student - Itunu Para-Mallam (05/06/2015)

You probably had preconceptions of this blog post before you even clicked the link. You had your own idea of what it was going to be about, and the title pretty much gives it away. But believe me, I wasn’t playing; there WILL be embarrassing, friendship, weed, sexual, academic, and spiritual confessions listed at the bottom of this post. These confessions are from university students across the UK, and don’t worry, they’re all anonymous. But in the same way you had preconceptions of this post, I had my presumptions of university before I started. In many ways it was exactly what I thought it would be, but in more ways than not, it was the complete opposite.

For those of you who haven’t been to university yet, I’m about to tell you the truth about university and fill you in on some of the things that you were never told to prepare for; that’s right… I’ve got you. For those of you who are in university, you know this post is probably even going to sugar coat the truth; I mean I don’t need to air ALL our dirty laundry. And for those of you who have graduated, university was just the beginning, a walk in the park, a bubble; nothing like the real world.

So this is the part where I tell you the truth about university. Now, realistically, I don’t actually know the whole truth about it, because I’ve only just finished my first year and my experience is probably completely different to the millions of other students that go to university. 

Before I started, my presumption of university alongside the several words of advice from my older friends led me to believe that having a guy in university was essential. Puberty had finally hit, and my ugly secondary school days were long gone. So it was no surprise that I came to university thinking I was going to find my husband. I had it all planned out! I was going to have a ‘uni bae’ in first year and we were going to make it official in second year. By third year we would be going steady and by the time I turned 25 I’d be ready to walk down the aisle. Talk about being naïve! THEY SOLD ME DREAMS! In university, don’t come expecting to find Mr or Mrs right because you won’t find them, they don’t exist. In my opinion.

University affects your habits, mannerisms, the way you perceive others and even yourself. I came to university as a 19 year old female who didn’t even know how to wear foundation. I’m now finishing my first year with the vast knowledge of God’s new gift to women, CONTOUR! Best believe my face now has curves and edges in all the right areas enhancing every feature.  I’ve also noticed that people who never picked up a shisha pen a day in their lives have become regular weed smokers, and at times, even your local dealer. It’s like people get dropped off by their parents at their various student accommodations, step out their invisible wrappers and become brand new.

Now, let’s talk about embarrassing moments, and believe me, I’ve had my fair share. If you thought you were going to read this post and find out all my dirty little secrets you’ve got another thing coming! Today, I’m anonymous along with the 30+ other students who gave their juicy confessions.

In university, embarrassing moments spread like wildfire. One person witnesses your unfortunate situation and the next thing you know you’re trending on twitter. Ok, that was a bit dramatic but things really do spread quickly in uni. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that PEOPLE LOVE TO TALK, and it’s even better when the subject is you!

University is a degree as well as an experience. Join societies, network, do things you would never have had the chance to do if it weren’t for university. But be sure to balance it all, because the moment you put one before the other, is the moment you give yourself the chance to jeopardise your future. Remember to remain consistent. I know it's easier said than done, but if you want to finish with a first class, CONSISTENCY IS KEY!

For me, coming from a Christian home, I found that my spirituality was the hardest thing to keep up with while in university. I found myself slipping in and out of bad habits and if I’m honest, it became a chore to pray, and my visits to church became fewer and fewer. University really tests your faith! You’re away from home, your parents (your trusty Sunday service alarm clocks), and your usual church. But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that if you want to succeed spiritually, you need to, in fact YOU MUST surround yourself with likeminded people who are also striving to succeed.

Finally, one of the main things we all need to consider when coming to university, whether it’s for the first time, or you’re coming back from the summer holidays is, you need to come with an open mind and the right mind-set. A lot of things you expected to happen, may not happen, and a lot of things you never expected could come crashing down on you like a ton of bricks when you least expect it. You need to be ready and prepared for anything and everything! Also, don’t even dream of coming to university without having some sort of morals. Without these morals you may find yourself not knowing which directions to take and you may find that the person who you once were when you came to university is no more.

HOLD UP! SCROLL UP! BECAUSE I KNOW YOU DIDN’T JUST TRY TO SKIP TO THE CONFESSIONS! I’m only joking, I’m sure you all sat down with your cup of coffee, read that post, ditched the mug, and now have your popcorn in hand, ready for the confessions!

To find out what all the juicy confessions are, click here: www.rosesandredbottoms.blogspot.co.uk

-Stay Tuned-

Twitter - @Miss_Tunes|| Email - itunupm@hotmail.co.uk

Going It Alone - Damilola Gbadamosi (01/06/2015)

The first time I ever "swam" I was a toddler in my father's arms in the ocean, with my mother firmly on shore and screaming that her first and then only child be brought back to safety immediately! Cute right? Well my first memory of water (the one no one had to tell me the story of) is not quite as charming. The first time I was ever by a pool I must have been six or seven. Nervously arriving at my first swimming lesson. Changed I looked at vast blue in front of me like a snake, and then suddenly I was drowning.

 I had been pushed in, an act I can only recall as the rudest form of introducing oneself I have experienced to date.  So I don't know how to swim, but here I m in a pool, what is left for my tiny self to do but sink? You don't know how precious air is until you don't know how to get some. However what I remember more about that day is that no one came for me, not the instructors or teachers or my friends or the lifeguard. And I'm writing this now because, given the option between sinking and swimming. With no 
previous training, I swam and got out all by myself. 


There is a point to me telling this story. The first point is that life will always challenge and overwhelm you. And sometimes it will do so when your support systems are unavailable to you. I had to learn to swim without my fathers help eventually. The second was that there is no guarantee that in your times of need there will be other people there able to help, sometimes even when our loved ones would like to they cannot help. They may be having it just as tough, like my friends were that day, a group of equally frightened six/seven year olds at their first swimming lesson too. 

Perseverance, self-belief and drive will always be the things you can rely on to get you through a tough patch. Whilst support and help is always something we should seek, we cannot rely on others to solve our problems, and sometimes it weakens us. I was too frightened to get back in the pool that day because I was convinced that the instructor was an evil woman who would let me drown. Until she pointed out that if I saved myself once then I really had 
nothing to worry about, I didn’t need saving. If someone had come for me, my fear would have been far worse and harder to overcome. 

We live in the age of networking, and "squad", and the people who can help us are a call away. I don’t begrudge anyone their support systems, I'm very guilty of calling to get it fixed before I even think of how might fix it myself. However, self-reliance is priceless; it makes you appreciate help so much more, when you do get it. But more than anything else self-reliant people are pleasant to help. People will support you that much more when you don't burden them with a constant need for it. No one likes a needy person, and when we stop being obsessed over receiving validation and support from peers, superiors or relationships, we strengthen ourselves. Maybe even enough to help someone else.

 Now if a six year old fell into a pool, I would be able to get them back out, and feel confident doing so.

MAKING YOUR GOALS A REALITY - WHITNEY OLADEINDE (25/05/2015)

I cannot stress enough how important it is to have goals, and you can never be too young to start setting and reaching your goals. Richard Branson once said, ‘I believe in goals. It's never a bad thing to have a dream. If you really want to do something, just do it. Whatever your goal.’ If dreams are not age-specific, then goal setting is something that people at all ages can have and achieve!

Why are goals important?

1. Goals can make your dreams a reality. You can’t wake up one day and say I want to start my own business without a plan to get you there? Winning or becoming successful never comes by accident.

2. A breakdown of your dream into achievable goals motivates you and is a constant reminder of where you want to be in a year, 5 or 10 years’ time

3. Without goals, you can’t measure your success or progress

4. If you can’t measure your success, you may not reach your full potential, preventing you from living life to the fullest! And who wants to look back and regret never reaching their full potential?

And for those of you who already have goals, I’m sure we can all admit that we fall into the same trap of writing out our goals and not fulfilling all of them each year. Who wants to look back at the end of 2015 and feel it was a wasted year? 

So here are a few tips that I have recently started using to make every year more productive than the last:

Tip No. 1 – Have goals for ALL areas of your life

Growth is important in every area e.g. academic (maybe getting those top marks), personal (challenging yourself to learn a language or an instrument, for example), goals for your future career (this can be to get work experience in that field). 

Tip No. 2 - Break down your goals – The “how” part of making your dreams a reality

One of the main reasons that people never fulfil their goals is because they make them too big and this can be discouraging. Breaking them down into smaller, more achievable goals can help with this. I tend to break my goals down into monthly and then weekly goals. For example, one of my goals for this year is to improve my cooking skills. I’ve broken this down by choosing 12 dishes that I want to learn to cook this year and I’ve set one for each month. Another thing that works for me is phone reminders; I have a weekly reminder every Sunday evening to remind me to set my goals for the week. I also have a monthly reminder on my phone set all the way to the end of 2015. This reminds me at the end of every month to look back at my goals of the year and see whether I am happy with the progress that I am making. This “How” part is what makes achieving your goals possible and realistic.

Tip No. 3 - Share these goals with someone who can hold you accountable

In the same way that I suggest you split your goals into academic, personal, career, etcetera, I also suggest you get a mentor for each of these areas. This is extremely important in making your “how” part effective. Someone who has experience in a specific area that is important to you can be very valuable and at least you can save some time by not making the same mistakes that they did!

Tip No. 4 – Where do you falter every year?

What are the problems that prevent you every year from fulfilling all your goals? Are you prepared to not let them make you falter once again in 2015? If not, what can you do? You might be someone that lacks organisation? To prepare, you could use the weekly phone reminder idea to make sure that you use your time more effectively. Or keep a diary, or stick notes around your house. Whatever way that will work effectively for you, start putting it into practice and make the rest of your 2015 a successful one.

Views From A Graduate - (Skill acquisition VS Education) Dillon Everest

Well, “where to start?” A question many of us probably have asked ourselves when embarking on what may be a long journey or a seemingly difficult task. But! Just like the beginning of every good novel, every well thought out film or the cartoons we all love in private beginnings never really have to make sense or follow a formula, its just important they start. And in starting, the story evolves and develops into what we share with our friends and family as the “one time I did…” or the classic “do you remember when…” episodes around a dining room table that one spontaneous night you decide to stay awake until the early hours of the morning.

But where are my manners, I haven’t even introduced myself. My name is Dillon, I’m 22 and I’ve just finished my final year at Coventry University studying BSc Analytical Chemistry & Forensic Science – yes, that’s a mouthful, but trust me it’s not as menacing as it may appear by the length of its name (but it’s certainly not suited for the likes of a twitter conversation). My three years in Coventry has brought me a cumbersome amount of joy, countless memories to take away, invaluable life skills and a set of trustworthy, like-minded people I can truly call my friends. It has also taught me a number of lessons I wouldn’t have otherwise learnt if I hadn’t come to university. Thus, this three-year rollercoaster has brought me to realise a number of things. These have varied from discovering things about myself to coming to accept that a lot of what goes on around me in ‘real’ world does have a direct impact on how I go about my life right now, as appose to when I was younger and being able to comfortably say “that doesn’t concern me”. My first experience of this was the increase in university fees.    

As many will know, currently in the UK universities have been given permission to raise their student fees up to a total of £9000 per year as a result of a lack of government funding being made available to many universities across the country. 64 universities announced their intention to charge the full £9,000 allowed by the government from 2012, with the remaining 59 all charging at least £6,000. Back in 2010 when this was first brought up (as a result of the Browne Review), it didn’t cross my mind at the time that I could eventually be paying up to £9000 for the right to study for a degree. But that’s not because I was worried about the figure, the number didn’t resonate with me in terms of it being expensive because to me it was worth the money. In 2012 when the fees were raised, I was in the mental position that a degree is the reason I’ve been in education all this time; the reason I had gone through exam after exam painfully surging forward to achieve the best grade I could. So with this in my head, at the age of 19 the price was irrelevant, because what was up for grabs was worth it.

Three years pass and it’s now 2015. I had grown a beard and put on a bit of weight thanks to the atrocious sleeping patterns and the role alcohol had played during that time. Amongst the drunken nights out (and in), the deadlines and exams, I feel university and the importance of what I gained from it had changed in comparison to what I felt I would gain when I first came to Coventry. My time in university made me realise that for the entirety of my academic life, I have been subservient to a system that has no true meaning and is nothing more than arbitrary figures set by a group of individuals who throw questions at you like cheese to lab-rats. At each passing stage of education I was told not that was I had learnt previously was incomplete, but rather it was wrong. Lessons and assignments proved to be nothing more than preparation on how to pass an exam – where the result will mean that an individual was good at passing exams, but not necessarily understood the information nor knew a way to apply it in the real world. THAT is what my problem is with the education system right up until and throughout university. Learning should be an opportunity to truly expand ones knowledge and a tool to enable them to acquire new and exciting skills. Nowadays, the purpose of a lesson or lecture is to arm you with tools to pass your upcoming exam and to penultimately make the educational institute, of which you are a member of, seem more appealing on paper.

I once thought that the point of going to into education was that you would gain the opportunity to come out with new set of skills allowing you to work efficiently in the real world but really all you’re doing is falling into a system that supposedly designed to help you get a job or earn more money or be beneficial member to society, rather than to increase quotas and raise funding. A book I read recently titled “The First 20 Hours: How to Learn Anything Fast” by John Kaufmann highlights the topic of skill acquisition vs. education and credentialing and the point he made in this segment hit every nail on the head for me. He goes on to say:

“Despite the high-minded efforts of teachers and professors around the world, modern methods of education and credentialing have almost nothing to do with skill acquisition.

Skill acquisition requires practicing the skill in question. It requires significant periods of sustained, focused concentration. It requires creativity and flexibility, the freedom to set your own standards of success.

Unfortunately, most modern methods of education and credentialing require simple compliance. The primary (but unstated) goal isn’t to acquire useful skills, it’s to certify the completion of a mostly arbitrary set of criteria, established by the standards committees far removed from the student, for the purpose of validating certain qualities some third party appears to care about.”

It is that focus on acquiring the certification rather than the skills that pains me to say no form of education is truly worth £9000. The real life skills like house hunting, paying bills, your entitlements as a student and a tax-paying member of society; all of these aren’t taught to you. However, from a young age you’re filled with the idea that the natural progression of thing is to go onto university and get a degree, in the hopes it puts you ahead of those competing for the same job role as yourself. The truth of the matter is, we’re guided like sheep into the barn by the idea that a university degree means success or ‘safety’ in the real world, when in actual fact you’re no closer to applying the skills needed to survive in a work environment than your degree-less peers.

In summary, university provides the opportunity to learn lessons about life and how to manage yourself by creating a sandbox environment where more often than not, it is safe to make mistakes, squander money here and there and even go hungry for extended periods of time – all without life changing consequences (in most cases). In an ideal world, these lessons cannot and should not come at such an extortionate price. But the exposure one is subjected to by going to university, mixing with a wide variety of different people and having to get along with said people, is a journey we should all have the chance to experience in one form another. What university lacks in cost effectiveness, it makes up for in life lessons.  

Views From A Graduate - Paul Olasehinde (18/05/2015)

Recently my friends and I were reminiscing about our tenure at university, as you do. However, this particular time it wasn’t about the crazy nights out or how we managed to do a 3000 word essay in one night but rather the usefulness of the whole university experience. Fortunately for us we went to university before the 9 grand tuition fees were introduced, so we ‘only’ racked up debts of around £20-25 grand, unlike the post 2012 students who are looking at that figure without even taking into account any sort of maintenance they may also have. So now I speak to my fellow graduates and ask you a simple question, was it worth it?

In general I’m happy I went to university. I met some people I consider close friends and previous friendships became stronger as we struggled through. So in that respect I don’t regret the experience. But, when I think about the real reason why I went there (to gain a degree in my chosen field which will put me higher up on the ladder than those who didn’t in order to get a JOB), I honestly think maybe I shouldn’t have bothered. Ultimately I blame this on the ‘system’. I don’t think we were given enough information about life after uni or even shown the real reality of what may happen. Maybe it’s my own fault for being naïve, but throughout my life all I’ve heard is how university will set you up for the rest of your life, how important it is to go and all the hundreds of other pro’s that come with it and I’m sure some of you can relate. However, it was not that. 

If I think back to secondary school  I quite ignorantly dismissed other routes to success that didn’t involve university as lesser. Now I’m older I see all the other pathways to success with part of me wishing someone told me then. Although the way my mind was wired, I probably still would have stuck with my ‘beloved’ uni pathway. I’m here now, 24 years of age and everything that I’m doing at this moment has not been a result of my university degree. On the other hand going to uni did teach me a lot of things which I may not have experienced until I had moved out of the family home. Paying for bills, money management, house hunting are just some the many key skills I gained by going to university which I’m very grateful for. 

If I’m totally honest, although university was somewhat a taster of real life; one experience I valued above others is what I learnt about social situations. You really do learn about yourself, the kind of people you like, those that you definitely don’t like, and how to handle possible issues that may (definitely will) arise. You are thrown into the deep end, as I’m sure for a lot of us you find yourself in a totally different area of the country, living with strangers and having to co-exist peacefully is nowhere near easy. A lot of valuable life lessons were learned through tough times and in some sense the 3-4 years you will spend is really the making of you, as my time there most definitely shaped me to be the person I am today.

I understand that there will be a few who disagree with some if not all of my points and I didn’t write this to tell people not to go university, rather its just an honest viewpoint of how I felt about the whole process. I believe everything happens for a reason no experience is useless and university wasn’t, but if I could gain the life skills (obviously minus the debt) and not study I personally would have taken that option in hindsight. University is a great place to go, and you probably wont find an experience like it elsewhere, but I reach out to those thinking they have to go, and urge you to continuously look at other avenues and make sure that if you do go, that it is the best path for you. University isn’t the be all and end all, but if you do find yourself there you won’t regret it (until you’ve only started writing that 3000 word essay at 11pm which is due the next day, and all you’ve written is the title). So to answer my own question, I think it is worth it…to a certain extent. ;)